12.7.99

Dear Mr. A,
There was a lyric by Sir-Mix-A-Lot that went " I like big butts...". I have a fetish for big women. I like to be squished by their big thighs. I love to feel their stomach roles. I can hae so much fun with a big woman. i feel their is nothing wrong in liking big women but I would like to try to have some relationships with other women but my infatuation prevents me from doing so. What should I do?? Simon, age 16

Dear Simon,
Damn bro....didn't think there were too many heads into that sort of thing. Do what you got to do. Get with some other hunnies. For real kid, big is not beautiful. I feel that the fetish most likely comes form your insecurity about yourself and you feeling you don't deserve someone that is attractive. Give some other girls a chance because one of these days you are going to get sumo-splattered the wrong way. I'm out like Holyfield, Pe@cE OuT!!!! - Mr.A

Dear Eric,
You need to chill with that because we here at Hoching.com are trying to run a professional, helpful, and educational web page. And if you must know I'm usually wearing your sister's panties around my neck. LATA LOSER!!!! I'm out like DA NEW TYPE HOT ECKO GEAR!!! PE@ce!! - Mr. A

Dear Mr. A,
You seem very biased in your opinions. But what race and nationality are you that you decided that you are better than everyone else and what gives you the right to criticize others?? GNZ, age 18

Dear GNZ,
I am what I am. To elaborate a little more, I am definitely better than your punkass!!!- Mr. A

Dear Jeff,
Play on playa!!!! Way to go!! However you should have thought about the friendship before you nailed his sister. I hope that was some good pussy because the friendship is most likely over if he is that protective of his sister. You definitely should tell him because it will be much worse if he finds out from anyone else and coming from you, you have the opportunity to explain to him that his sister is an adult and can make her own decisions. Good luck....I'm out like Wade Boggs.....PE@CE OUT - Mr. A

Dear Mr. A,
I am in bad shape and need some advice badly. I feel that I need to end it. i have nothing to look forward to and nothing to live for. I can no longer keep going in this world of cruel and insensitive people. I am constantly ridiculed for being gay and feel if I can't live in peace I shouldn't live at all. Ike, age 17

Dear Ike,
Do it!!! Com'on you don't have the guts!! Do it you fudgepacker. Your kind make me sick and I do not feel homosexuals are people. If possible their civil rights should be taken away. You disgust me. Do it!! Go end it you punkass clown. I'm out like Kobe in the preseason Pe@cE out- Mr. A

Dear John,
You sorry ass punkass bitch. I bet you are a homo like your friend Ike. Why don't you go join him asshole. What what!!! You read the disclaimer: advice with an attitude. I help a lot of people for no charge at all giving advice in my areas of expertise. I'm sorry my biases don't agree with you. Shit it is not my fault you little pink cowboys find me offensive. It's advice. What more do you want? You want it served in a silver platter?? I feel I am doing my part in helping the teenage world with anything that I can help with. Any other pink little fairies got complaints?? And to my other readers I would appreciate a response with your opinion of my column. Whatever the majority says , I'll do even if it means toning down the abusive. I'm out like the Nets this season.- Mr. A

How can you tell which house the fag lives in? It's the one with the doormat that says "Wipe your knees".

If you get malaria from mosquitoes, and sleeping sickness from teste flies, how do you get AIDS? From the asshopper!

Copyright TRULY TASTELESS JOKES X

Dear Mr. A,
I have been going out with this girl for 14 months. We are both in love. But we are finally running into problems we knew we would reach one day. The problem is that I'm Chineese and she's black. Our parents are not really pleased to say at least. They are both pretty much racist because they don't know anything about eachother. What should I do?? - Ken, age 17

Dear Ken,
You have to make a choice. What is more important to you, family or this girl?? Nothing stands int he way of love but remember that you are 17 and that a large part of what you feel is lust. So keep that in mind and good luck. Sorry i couldnt help you more with this but this is your decision. I'm out like Kobe in the '99 playoffs...Pe@Ce - Mr. A

MR.A Takes on Racial Exploitation

What happened to civil rights? What happened to every man regardless of race, creed, gender, or nationality being equal? Equality in Decatur, Illinois apparently does not exist and is thought to be inconsequential.

I am referring to the six African-American students at Decatur high School starting a brawl in the bleachers of a football game. They were not expelled summarily but with due process and were treated as they should have been treated. However, Reverend Jesse Jackson and the attorney of the 6 young men did not feel this way. They first wanted the expulsion sentence of 2 years completely removed and for the boys to be put on probation. The state head of education compromised and agreed (against his will) on an expulsion sentence of 1 year instead of 2.

How can we call that due and proper democratic process? The attorney of the young men on live television said with celerity that correctional punishments should take race and background into consideration. Am I the only one that sees this as odd and against the sacred article that we hold dear to us that ensures our liberties known as the constitution.

I see this as bad precedent. First we give these young men a break after starting a dangerous brawl, what's next? A murder pardon? Most likely yes, because it will just snowball. How can a demonstration by Reverend Jesse Jackson get these young men pardoned for something they obviously did?

A peaceful demonstration proved very powerful. The young men had their expulsion sentence slashed in half. Is this the first time a demonstration or a possibility of a violent one got a sentence pardoned or slashed? Of course not; everyone remembers O.J. Simpson who allegedly committed the murder of his ex-wife Nicole Brown and her lover Ron Goldman. O.J. was found innocent as everyone was in fear of a deadly and ferocious riot in America's major cities.

African-Americans had to fight for equality. They went through countless hardships attaining equality. They had some great leaders such as W.E.B. DuBois and Booker T. Washington. Fifteen years ago it was still questionable if African Americans had equal rights because it is quite difficult to remove all ignorance and prejudice. However, in present day and time it seems quite evident that African Americans have most likely surpassed Caucasian Americans in civil rights. How can this be so? Weren't they fighting for equality? Obviously not if they feel the punishment should not fit the crime but the race and background instead. This strikes me as outrageous and I would like to here from my readers and what they think.

Dear Mr. A,
I have a problem I would like your advice with. I feel like I can't make it from one drink night ot the next. I usually drink with my friends on Fridays and Saturdays. However, lately I am feeling this craving to get a drink. I have even snuck drinks while I was by myself. I don't feel like I can control these cravings. Do you think that I am an alcholic? ECKO MAN, age 16

Dear ECKO MAN,
You are an alcoholic. You are right, in that you can't control it. In fact, it is controling you. You need to cut back deperatly even on drink nights. Drinking is not a sound hobby or activity. You need to chill with that sh*t before you get into some serious trouble. In the words of my man Forest Gump thats all I have to say about that. Pe@ce out - Mr. A

Dear BeanieBaby,
You have self esteem issues that you need to resolve. If you look good theres is nothing wrong in showing off your body as long as you don't get too hoeish. You might wanna get a summer job at a daycare center because you seem good at story telling. You need to chill with the lying and be yourself. Thats the problem, you want to be like someone else so you make sh*t up. Give being yourself a chance and see how that works out. . - Mr. A

Dear Mr. A,
Wussup Mr. A? This is Jason from NY.. (partee in da ghetto!) anywayz i juss wanted to tell u one of my problems and since i remain anonymous (theres over 100 jasons in NY) I'll just tell the truth straight out. I always jerk off in school, and I mean always. Like at least twice in a day in the classrooms. Sometimes i do it in the stalls, but its just not the same. In history I have this real hot girl in front of me and she knows that I jerk off. I always end up jizzing all over her black jeans. The teacher doesnt know that i do it or maybe he's just pretending to not know. Anyways I'm surprised by the girls' reaction cuz she doesnt really seem to care... what should i tell the girl? I feel embarassed and weird at the same time.. i'd appreciate a straight forward answer instead of a diss.. thankz.. peace out

Dear Jason,
If you are serious I'll help you out but if you are joking its all good because you got a laugh out of me. You really need to stop doing that because thats actually statutory rape and you can get into some serious trouble. Don't tell the girl anyhting and if you want to get with her that much try talking to her. Yo Brooklyn you got to represent. Im out like ERnie Grunfeld Pe@ce - Mr. A

Dear Janet,
This is very serious. You need to put a stop to this before it gets anymore serious. if any vandalism occurs you got to report that to the police. If this happens in school you have to tell a teacher or someone in an authoritive position. Thats all I can suggest but I have a feeling you lead this up upon yourself. No one would just grab you if you weren't responsible for at least some of it. I bet you got some fine ass titties though.... Later I'm out. Hey maybe we can get together. Just playing, you probably not legal anyways. I'm out like Reggie in game 5. PEACE . - Mr. A

SPECIAL (10/15/99):

Teenagers these days are displaying a lack of responsibility in a time where the most cautious attention has to be paid because of the safety, or lack there of, in today's world. With deadly STD's such as HIV and life altering ones such as herpes and HEP B, teenagers need to show extreme caution. We cannot afford a society with impaired drivers or careless teens transmitting diseases. It is time to put a stop to all this irresponsible activity and it starts with you. Mr. A says peace out and get your shit together.

10.8.99 Dear Mr. A,
I have a problem and would like your help with it. The story is i have been friends with this guy for as long as i can remember. Over the years I have become very attracted to him. I finally came up witht he courage to ask him out and he shot me down in the most horrible way telling me I was like a sister to him. What should I do? - Karen, age 15

Dear Karen,
You must not be too observant. You should have forseen that you were "just friends". However you chose to try to take it to the next level. My advice is just forget about what happened because if you really are good friends he wont care. however you can not ignore your feelings. You should talk it through with him and you both should agree on a reasonable scenario that is comfortable for the both of you. Pe@ce out - Mr. A

Dear Tom,
Take a polaroid! Damn bro stop staring. Be more mature than that. What are you going ot do later on when you have an attractive boss or co-worker??!! What you're doing is wrong and you should stop it. You can be friends with her and get to know her but leave her tits alone. You just need to chill. If she happens to be around you fools make up some reason as to why you are laughing, because she will catch on and it doesn't look good for you guys. CHILL WIT DA EYEBALLIN' !!!!! Mr.@ says peace out. . - Mr. A

9.27.99

Dear Mr. A,
I read your column everyday and keep up the good work. After reading your advice for the past month I have come to the conclusion that you are quite competent in helping me with my problem. I am a cleptomaniac. I steal whatever I can get my hands on. I have gotten in trouble several times by teachers and also have been caught shop lifting. What do you suggest? - Theo, age 14

Dear Theo
You need to control yourself. When you have an urge to take something that doesn't belong to you just come up to someone big and tell them to punch you in the face!! Damn why do you got to steal?? It's because of people like you the world is becoming a more corrupt place. Seriously, when you have the urge just control yourself and get away from the situation. Think about how you would like it if someone was stealing from you. Pe@ce out - Mr. A

Dear Carol,
Ever think about changing your name to Queen Laqueefa....Please girl I don't get with any freaks. If you happen to queef while hes with you tell him hes a tight fit. Other times you should be able to control yourself. Before you get with him push the air out of there by laying on your back and pressing on your stomach. To any people that want to ask questions please restrain from asking questions of this sort. Keep in mind that I'm a male and do not particularly enjoy answering questions of this sort....Common people: use your heads. - Mr. A

Dear John,
You did the right thing in stopping her even though she looks "banging" because you had no idea of how your student teacher relationship would be affected if you had progressed to do something more. Now that she isn't acting weird and is still persistent my advice is to rip that. I mean its not gonna put any strain on the student teacher relationship and can only help your grades. So go ahead and rip that!! Pe@ce out!! - Mr. A

9.14.99

Dear Mr. A,
I need your advice. I am infatuated with one girl that goes to my school. However she wont give me the time of day. I try to talk to her but always seem not to be able to get enough courage. She is very attractive and I would like for some way to talk to her or to get her attention. Please help - Chris, age 16

Dear Chris
Whats the deal? You like her?? Talk to her!! Ask her for the digits. Be a man about things. She tells you to get lost then so be it. Its all in the way you carry yourself. Do not create a self fullfilling profecy. If you think she will turn you down then she will. Its all about confidence. Be a man and tell the hoe to hook you up wit the digits. Pe@Ce OUT - Mr. A

Dear BALLA,
You must be a herb. Everyone knows how I feel about herbs, if you dont read the achives. Anyways you seem like that one kid that is hated by everyone. First off you have to stop trying so hard. Let friends come to you 'cause they want to and not because they are forced to be around you on a school trop or something of that sort. You may be scaring kids off 'cause you are coming on so strong. Good Luck, Laterz - Mr. A

Dear Richie,
DAMN you are small. What are you anorexic?? Well drugs arent the best way to go because they lead to cancer, liver problems, ultsers, and things of that sort. I would usually say do it natrually, however in your extreme case you need the weight fast. So you should try it. If anything out of the ordinary occurs see a doctor. Good Luck stick boy - Mr. A

8.26.99

Dear Mr. A,
I am very lucky for having stumbled upon this wonderful web page. For I am in need of advicce very badly. I have a very serious problem and can no longer deal with my guilty conscience. I commited a very serious crime. I raped a student of mine. I was showing him this wrestling move and I just lost control. I knocked him out cold and proceeded to have intercourse with him several times. When he came to I told him he had bumped his head and knocked himself unconscious for several minutes. I don't want this horrible ordeal to happen again but I'm afraid it will. Please help me - COACH L

Dear Coach L
You have some very serious problems. Go confess to the police. Seek help quickly. You should be very ashamed of yourself. You deserve to die. You have no place in today's society. - Mr. A

Dear Anthony,
My answer is quite concise for you : Get your girl and get an abortion! You are obviously not ready for a child so go get an abortion. However, you have to be more careful in the future. Don't mess around with sex. It's deadly. Peace out, And if you dont got Melvin Flynt Da Hustler go copp that joint. - Mr. A

8.20.99

Dear Mr. A,
I have a serious two year long lasting problem. I really like and care about this guy but he doesn't respond to me. He talks to me sometimes but he ignores me when he is around his friends. Then he asked me out and we had sex. Afterwards he hasn't even looked at me. I really care about him but he is acting like a jerk. What should I do??? - Melony age 16

Dear Melony
You have been had. You are pretty dumb for giving it up to him....you must be a hoe. If he was embarrased to talk to you in front of his friends then he never really cared about you. I mean you have made a really big mistake by gettin' with him. Damn - to quote a friend of mine " DAMN, I HATE HOES!!!", You are most like what you attract. Just as he used you for sex you used him for your ego to satisfy your crush. You are an idiot for sleeping with him and you are a major hoe. Peace out..... And oh yea......stop being a hoe!!! - Mr. A

Dear FAG, I mean Derek,
As far as I'm concerned fags or homosexuals as u like to call yourselves are not human beings. Once again i have to revert to quoting a good friend of mine.. " Being gay is a choice... a wrong one". I suggest you reconsider. But if that is the only way you will be happy you should probably kill yourself. What would the world miss out on if a fag killed himself...nothing. As a note to all the readers please dont respond with homosexual situations, because I have absolutley zero tolerance for homosexuals. It is just plane WRONG!! Later - Mr. A

Dear Coach D,
DAMN you really are sick and in need of some serious help. What you are doing is really wrong and ILLEGAL so you better stop. Your feeling for little boys probably comes from your dad abusing you or some other elder. Its wrong and you should go for help no matter how embarrassed you are because you put your job at risk and the safety of the kids. I hate people like you. If you get any type of ideas you better get them out of your sick ass head permanently. Damn - the world is full of sick perverts, but you are putting the saftey of the kids at risk and that is a serious problem. If you got to be gay, read the above advice to see how I feel about that, but go for men your age. You have some major issues to work out. Seek help - seek help quickly, you sick f*ck. LATERZ - Mr. A

8.9.99

Dear Mr. A,
I collect a lot of sexual toys such as vibrators, and I buy them. But after orgasm, I feel like throwing them out but I payed for them.. the thing is that I have no good hiding place and if my parents find out they will kill me. WHAT SHOULD I DO?- Jason

Dear Jason
Why do you got to go that way? Being gay is a choice, a wrong one. Don't worry about your parents because they probably know anyways. You should try getting a girl. Why do you enjoy these toys?? Do you need to feel loved?? What the f*uck is wrong with you? You are truly a disgusting human being if you even deserve to be called a human being.Get a life you loser!!! - Mr. A

My next point is that herbs should stick with other herbs. I have come to notice that herbs tend to leech on to some of the kooler kids and bring them down. I say don't even deal with them and keep them down. God assessed different people different gifts and talents, He wanted it that way. So the next time a herb tries to get on your good side tell him to f*ck off.

If you happened to be one of the cooler kids that tries to help herbs out because of pure pity and you disagree with me, you have to realize what has a herb done for you lately??? Absolutely nothing. And if you get herbs to work on your homework or pay your way through things you are coming off as a "user" and are no longer cool.

As in every other real life situation there are levels. For the same reason that JV players cant pop junk about varsity players you have to keep herbs down unless they truly deserve to be brought up to the next level of coolness. You have to keep herbs down and under your thumb so they dont think they area actually cooler than they are. And if any of you herbs have a problem with this article I'll be happy to arrange a meeting and settle any disputes you may have. Peace out from Mr. A, and NOREAGA 4 LIFE

8.7.99

Dear Mr. A,
My boyfriend wants me to have sex with him but I am scared to do it because I have a hairy butt! Will my butt turn him off? what sould I do?help me please!!!! - Krissy, age 15

Dear Krissy,
There are two issues you are dealing with. It sounds like you dont wanna have sex with your boyfriend. And dont do someting you dont wanna do. Secondly go get that waxed!! Of course he will be turned off, who wouldnt!!!! Get your ass waxed, and sounds like you may have some other body parts that need waxing so get those done too!!! DAMN!!!! Nothing less attractive than hairy girls. PEACE OUT - Mr. A

Dear Robert,
You are askin me to put myself in your situation and that is someting i cant do because you havent told me enuff info u jerk. Well anyways you need to talk to her and see how she feels. If you both still care about each other then you should try to work things out. And if u both are starting to dislike each other then obviously cut your losses. This is not one of the brighter questions i have been asked but you get a straight answer wit experience and expertice behind it. Peace out - Mr.A

8.3.99

Dear Mr. A,
My girl wants me to go down on her. She returns the favor but i don't want to because i am afraid i will not do it right. Wut do u think? - James, age 19

Dear James,
U need to stop being so nervous. And u should be returning the favor if she is permiscuous enough to go down on u. Show me a man who doesnt eat pu$$y and ill steal his wife. As far as not doin it right u dont need to worry. there r technicues. U have to go about it slow and stop every once in a while to make her want it. That leads to mulitple orgasms as well. As far as technique figure eights is wut i use, so stick wit that. Best of luck. - Mr. A

Dear Chris,
You sound like u have low self-esteem. And drugs are not the answer. It may seem like they help but hey are hurting ur body and mind. Plus u are not dealing with ur problems. Drugs only make them go away temporarily. Temporarily being the cue word, as in they [your problems] come back. U dont need to be generous wit people, cuz u cant buy friends. Jus be urself and act natrual. Those who matter wont mind, and those that mind dont matter. Good luck. - Mr.A